Friday, 15 June 2012

Heavy heart

Making decisions
on behalf of another
who you have always turned to
in the past
for answers
is gut wrenchingly painful

Letting go
of their wishes
to return to their home
rips your heart into shreds
with disappointment and unwarranted guilt

disorientation and frustration
at no improvement
no matter
what the doctors try
leaves you feeling utterly helpless

With complete loving
wanting what is best
for the one who tried their best for you
batters you about
as you grasp at straws
hoping for a miracle

… but the miracle doesn’t come.

The chill is bitter
against your soul
tears sit like a dam
waiting to explode
and you wonder
for how long the dam can hold

Inner strength
outer fa├žade
a life of caring
when there was no other
you feel proud and grateful
yet wishing you could do more

you face the corridor
folders in hand
doctors’  recommendations
heavy heart
legs like lead weights, you walk

Now here you are
outside the room to deliver the news
you swallow the tears
take a massive breath
practice your smile
and enter

… and your first words are … I love you.

© Dianne Traynor 15 June 2012

(c) Photography by Dianne Traynor


  1. It's heard to find the right words to describe what I felt after reading this... I can only hope that you're holding strong.

  2. Thank you Tom .. it is in the writing that I find renewed strength when I feel the well is empty .. it is such a blessing.